Still Life #3: Impossible Decisions Must Still be Made

We sometimes have to make tough decisions. Deciding to end my marriage was one of them. But those kinds of tough decisions often lead to something new. Since then I have found myself living a life that is so much more true to who I am. Not all decisions are like that. There are some decisions in life that come with great pain in order to mitigate the possibilities of other pains. On Thursday I had to make one of those decisions. Anticipating that I would not be able to have access to my two boys (who were staying with their mom at the time) during lockdown, I made the call to split them. I think it was the hardest call I have ever made. Especially given, in all honesty, my self-righteous opinion that they would be better off with me. I also knew that I might become consumed by attending to people’s anguish during lockdown and might not have been available enough to them if they were with me. It was difficult, impossible even, to know what might be best for them. In the end, my eldest son came with me. He cried all the way home “I think it is just the fairest thing if one of us is with you”. That is not the kind of decision a 12 year old should have to make.

But, there will be many difficult decisions ahead of us. Especially for those working in healthcare. Sometimes there is no right decision to make. There are simply decisions to be made and someone has to make them.

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