Thursday 9th – Sunday 12th August
R7500 per person sharing
All inclusive (except getting there)
Fiona 061 497 3551
Couples come to me to have a conversation they are struggling to have on their own. We get stuck in communication patterns with each other where it seems as if we are having the same conversation over and over again, without any resolution. Certain issues between a couple start to feel like a cul-de-sac at the near end of the road of their relationship. We build stories in our minds about each other – about what the other person is thinking, eating and feeling. We stop listening to what they are actually saying and filter everything through these fictions in our minds. As a husband said to his wife, “I know you have being saying this all along, I just didn’t know how to hear it.”
It’s difficult to see past these impasses. Therapy hopes to provide a different outcome through insight and understanding. This is sometimes challenging to achieve in weekly sessions and it often feels like I need to go home with a couple in order to really help them get beyond their miscommunication. This kind of struggle, left long enough, can erode at the the connection and affection in the relationship, leaving a couple resigned and despondent. Anger, avoidance, harshness and dishonesty start to find expression rather than love and mutual understanding.
My partner, Fiona, and I would like to invite you to a place where we have had the privilege of spending special connective time together. We would like to invite you away from the familiarity of your lives, into a beautiful landscape where we will attempt to provide refreshing outcomes to previously stale conversations. In this Pondoland Wonderland, called Protea Ridge, we will spend time unpacking the workings of conversations around emotions, expectations, honesty, hurt, frustration, projection, insecurity and, of course, sex. I have had a career long interest in how conversations work. I believe that language is essentially inadequate but it is all that we have. As Ludwig Wittgenstein wrote “The limits of my language means the limits of my world.” A conversation can be a beautiful thing when it allows for a new understanding.
I will be workshopping specific ideas around effective communication, helping couples move past concerns such as infidelity, rejection or aggression. Fiona has a particular relationship with the land there and an obsession with staying healthy and keeping moving. She will keep us fed and busy in-between our sessions. Not a difficult task with a vulture sanctuary, deep gorges filled with ancient forests and a pristine wild-coast beach close by.
“I cannot assume you will understand me. It is just as likely that as I invent what I want to say, you will invent what you want to hear. Some story we must have. Stray words on crumpled paper. A weak signal into the outer space of each other. The probability of separate worlds meeting is very small. The lure of it is immense. We send starships. We fall in love.” ― Jeanette Winterson, Gut Symmetries