Confessions of a Love Addict

I don’t think you can plan a life. I became a psychologist by mistake. I had actually planned to be an artist of sorts. Maybe, in some ways, I still am an artist. I hope so. What I do requires the ability to spontaneously respond to each person’s struggles, authentically. That’s surely done best when…

Continue reading

Taking the plunge into Couple’s Therapy

As they arrive at my consultation room, I usher them to the therapy couch. It is just wide enough for them to sit comfortably apart but not wide enough for them to avoid each other.  If she wanted she could simply turn the other way and look through my books on the bookshelf, while he reads…

Continue reading

Relationships are Therapy: Part4 #Love and its disappointments.

  I can clearly remember her sitting there, perched like a ballerina on the edge of a saffron cushion. So poised, so elegant. Listening with great attention to what the meditation teacher (Rob Nairn) had to say.  She was oblivious to me sitting there, tracing her every move and contour. She looked so elegant, exotic…

Continue reading

Relationships are Therapy: Part 3 #Boundaries & Vulnerability

“I think you’re very fluid with your boundaries!” That’s what my last therapist told me, his eyes following mine as I tried to look away, him steadily patting the miniature pinscher on his lap.   At first I wanted to take it as a compliment but the emphasis on “very” made me realise that he actually…

Continue reading

Relationships are Therapy: Part2 #Accountability

    My father gassed himself in his car one night. I only found out the following morning but I knew exactly how he did it. I knew because the first time he tried it I must have been only 10 years old. He had left the house in a tantrum that night and, by…

Continue reading

Relationships are Therapy: Part 1 #Honesty

I don’t write because I am good at it. I find writing particularly difficult. I write because it helps me make sense of things and, in that case, I don’t write nearly enough. If there was one thing that is challenging to make sense of in psychotherapy, it is the complexities of intimate relationships. So…

Continue reading