• Purposefulliving,  Relationships

    Love, afraid of nothing.

    My job is to makes sense of love, how we love, why we love, when love fails and how it succeeds. It still eludes me. There are as many definitions of love as there are times the word has been uttered.  I have written a bit about this before here.  But, my own continued journey through love and heartache has taught me this: There is a Love, afraid of nothing.  Such a love is both fearless and benevolent.  To truly love you must be willing to risk everything and want nothing in return.  Ironically, you must be willing to completely let go while, at the same time, you manage to…

  • Mindfulness,  Uncategorized,  What is Therapy

    The well trodden paths of the mind.

    She hands me an old A5 notebook. Other than the yellowing of its pages, it’s surprisingly un-weathered by time.   She is smirking at me as if there is something hidden somewhere inside it. I page through it, taking a while to recognise myself in the handwriting. A page is dated Wednesday, 15th May 1997; notes from a lecture at Wits University on Buddhism. This was probably my first real introduction to Buddhist thought. I can recall the feeling of “this is making sense to me”; of thoughts I had already had finding a home in what the lecturer, Rob Nairn, was saying. Not too many pages later and I find…

  • Uncategorized

    Mindfulness as more than a method

    In my early 20’s, in a quiet fever to understand my own anxious self, I came across a book, Going to Pieces without Falling Apart by buddhist psychiatrist Mark Epstein.  I can recall it having a profound effect on how I understood the workings of my own mind.  Here I am, rereading it in my 40’s, still trying to better understand the working of my mind, finding Epstein’s work as enriching as ever.  Like going back to a favourite destination after many years, remembering things you thought you had forgotten and noticing things you didn’t notice in the first place.  It is both refreshing and nostalgic.  Photo by Ourit Ben-Haim of…

  • Uncategorized,  What is Therapy

    The Keeper of Tears

      She’s sitting on the precipice Of everything She never allowed Everything she could still be. Perfectly pulchritudinous In who she already is.     She likens staying to being An ascetic And, in her resolve to leave She rolls her reluctant tears into a tissue Folding them away, Filling the cup’s inevitable emptiness.     The keeper Of tears.

  • Addiction,  Post-modern Therapy,  Relationships,  Uncategorized,  What is Therapy

    Confessions of a Love Addict

    I don’t think you can plan a life. I became a psychologist by mistake. I had actually planned to be an artist of sorts. Maybe, in some ways, I still am an artist. I hope so. What I do requires the ability to spontaneously respond to each person’s struggles, authentically. That’s surely done best when seen as an art form? But, for the most part, it has been a wonderful mistake. One that has taken me on curious adventures through the pain and joy of what it means to be human. My latest curiosity is in addiction.   What does it mean to be an addict? What if, each and…

  • Post-modern Therapy,  Sexual Health,  What is Therapy

    Entering the lived reality of Sexual Abuse

    When clients first call to make an appointment, it is impossible to summarise an answer to “What therapy do you do?” You can never actually tell what journey lies ahead of them or I. I can, however, remember the first call that Claudia made to enquire about therapy. I can’t recall her exact words but they sounded almost rehearsed, attempting to hide the quiver in her voice. It was only much later that I learned just how giant a leap of blind faith she had taken on that day. Although, in theory, all clients should be treated with the same brush of attention and concern, you are sometimes deeply drawn…